a tail or tale?

2009-09-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

hey hadley! ted came running down the hallway. "HEy Hadley!!! *cougH* i mean Dr Hadley. sup man!"
I flicked my hair back...and sigh" you tell me.. you were the one caling me"

"hey yo hadley, need a favour doc....you see i got this rash... i got it from nisha ... and i am wondering if it is a you know what"

stupid guys do stupid things, hadley you are a doctor.. not a counsellor. I sighed and dragged ted to the examination room.
"alright pal, flash it" Ted stripped off his shirt and revealed red patches across the front and back of his body.
"hives" i started scribbling some words on the pad.. rip it off and stick it on his forehead.

"well its either u are allergic nisha or it was sashimi , if it scared the shit out of you. have some decency to learn to cover up and not expose yaself all the time dude" popped the pen back into my breast pocket and left the room. Ted looking relieved and shocked as he tore the note off his forehead.

"prescription: some cream for the hives, apply once daily, Condom used at all times"

hi you

2008-03-15T01:17:00.000-07:00

helloo! i waved excitedly. there he stood , staring right at me. he didn't waved back, i waved and jumped! "HEY!"

He just stood there, staring . I shrugged and walked towards him. Silly boy, do I always have to run to you? I ran towards him , anticipating the feeling of being in his arms. Each step i took made me excited, i am almost there! "HEY! You!" I stretched my arms out and grab hold of him.

"OUCH!"
"What the!"

Right , it just has to be a dream and i nicely banged my head against the floor as i fell off my bed. How was it possible to ever be dating that boy, "Mr Oh i am Hot but i am acting that i ain't" He is like the hottest guy around and it is absolutely normal for my hormones to generate dreams of him. Even my subconscious mind knows he is out of my league, now what happened to dreams come true? Can't i even have a nice hot dream of this supposedly hot guy?

picking myself off the ground rubbing my forehead and grumbled" Talk about a wake up call", i looked up at my mirror. "Morning plain jane, looking simple as always time to get yourself moving and face reality"

This is high school for me, where all the "fun" begins. Hormones, acne, boys, girls, rebellion, want to be an adult soon, sounds like high school to me alright.

I sighed in my office thinking about my high school days. it is no wonder why i became a doctor, since i had nothing much to do but study. i chewed on my pen and i started drifting back to my high school days.

surprisingly for my height , i still went unnoticed in school. all i remembered was people asking me about homework during test week and i had all the funny names. none of the people who asked me for help remembered my name, i had "Hey u" , " science freak" , " erm Haddie", " lianne" it just doesn't sound like "Leah Hadley" to me. Nonetheless i still went ahead to help them with the work, thinking that helping them would make me known somehow. I guessed somethings never change , well at least in this case - it can't be changed. I just faded into a wall.

I jumped at the vibration of my beeper and spilled my coffee on my coat. " Bugger"
thanks to the vibration and hot coffee, i woke up from thinking of the past and hopped right up. I took a look at my beeper and ran off to examination room.

just another long night again with myself and my thoughts. tossed out my labcoat and grabbed a fresh one and headed into the emergency examination room. This is my life.

an Apple a day keeps the doctor away

2008-02-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

"Doctor Hadley , You have a patient waiting for you in room one" my nurse mentioned as she walked past. She let out a chart for me to grab while we brisked past each other. I walked into room one and set my chart by the side.

The guy sat there quietly by the examination bench. Decent height(I can't really judge when he is sitting but it looks decent enough), nice tan, blue piercing eyes, nice ruffled hair,nice toned arms and of course decent casual attire. I clicked my pen to wake myself up and began the interview.

"Hi , Mr Goodrich. I am Dr Hadley, i will be examining you for today. Looks like you choked on an apple and i will just be checking on your throat just to make sure everything is good ."

He raised his hand to ruffle his hand and gave a sheepish laughter" so much for an apple a day keeps the doctor away huh. it is almost embarrassing to tell my friends i was admitted to the hospital with a blue face from choking on an apple"

" well i guess shit happens, now just need you to open your mouth . Good. Any discomfort ?"He shook his head ,unable to mouth anything with my stick down his throat.

"well then! Everything looks good ,if i were you i keep away from apples for a few days. If you suffer any sores on your throat go easy on the food you eat. Soft food will be a good way to go for now, but i am assuming your have nothing to worry about. Well then just remember don't be frightened by apples as it is still gonna keep us doctors away. Just need to sign these documents and you are good to go .Well then have a good day Mr Goodrich." I closed his charts and stood up from my seat. Just as i was about to leave i felt an arm grabbing hold of me , I turned to see a poor guy pointing to the wooden stick i left on his mouth.

"Ah! i am so sorry! slip ups occurs i guess. "i said while grabbing the stick and tossing it into the bin.

"Oh no worries, I thought it was a new way for doctors to leave their numbers on the stick for patients to call them up for a date" I tripped on the stool when i heard that. I was not that obvious in examining my patient physic , was i?

"Wa What?" That's all I could come out with in that state of embarrassment.

He laughed " I was just kidding, take it easy."

I glared at my patient through my specs and walked off . Out of the room I went into the linen closet just next to the room and calmed myself down. "Stupid, So much for being a doctor when you just acted like a total retard in there. What's " Wa what?" and of course the trip just make everything oh so glamorous." I hit my head on the linen sheets and counted to ten. Adjusted my uniform and hair, push up my specs and walked out of the closet just to bang myself right into a chest. Looking up , great Mr Goodrich again.

"Woo! Hi again Dr. Hadley. Going somewhere?"
"Sor Sorry. Wa WHat? " I said AGAIN, pushed up my specs AGAIN and walked off.

This all explains why I am still Single and unwanted. Cheers to my life

my life in 5 mins

2008-01-27T21:20:00.000-08:00

Here's the breakdown of my life in as simply as i can put it .

1) I haven't dated in ages
2) My ass is getting less attractive
3) My intelligence sends out unfriendly vibes
4) My dog stares at my food and only at my food
5) My parents are tired of nagging at me
6) My friends are all getting hitched
7) Guys are all turning gay around me
8) Clothes on me are all a fashion disaster even Chanel can't save me
9) My job is as it is .
10) I have yet to move out of my parents' place.

so thats about how my life is . i am a doctor in a hospital. i have 2 interns under me so basically i have the time to talk about my life while they are cleaning guts out. (literally, 2 patients just came in that required some guts flushing and pumping)

so let's see i work more than 80 hours a week, i basically stay in the hospital more than anywhere else which explains why i don't see the need to get out of my parents' place.

Sometimes i think i am dating my dog, when i get home i hop on my bed with gus and he would sleep by my side. In the morning, he lingers his nice doggy morning breath above my face to wake me up for work. i get up give him a kiss on his forehead, and he walks to the toilet while i wash up. i could say he is the only male species that has seen me naked besides my dad whom changed my diapers when i was younger.

so there you go, the glamorous life of a doctor, you see the disgusting side of humans . You see how humans lie to you about their life and cause you to make a wrong move on the patient. That leads to complications and all because you hide your drug dose or sex life.

your social life revolves people in the hospital -sick or healthy-, it is tragic when the medical fields lacks the superficial layer of looks with all that intelligence going down the drain. I mean whats the point of having the intelligence when you are not even cute enough to start the conversation.

i am of course your average Jane with a high forehead. No i am not bragging on my high intelligence cause you don't need a ton of intelligence to be a doctor , you just have to be able to memorise well and vomit when you see the word "examination".

My forehead is annoyingly high, it is never a contribution to the intelligence but a gentle reminder how normal i look. I am 5 feet 9 inches tall, i wear the normal cat eye spectacles that sits on my narrow nose bridge. My eyes are hazel brown with a tint of grey, and my face is sunken in. overall i look highly malnourished due to the amount of work i do and the lack of food i take.

now don't start on how as a doctor you have to be healthy and all, it is true to a certain extend however when you have 4 surgeries to scrub into, 2 interns to guide , patients to check on there's barely enough time. Thus my daily diet is just my usual tofu and vegetables , yes you are right . I am a vegetarian, meat wasn't so enjoyable when all you see everyday are bloody raw flesh dangling around you as u fix and repair them.

so in conclusion, with a fantastic pay check doctors hardly have much time to spend it. That's what i call boosting the economy.

it hurts

2008-01-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

i bent over grasping my shirt tight. the pain was unbearable. my eyes were red and wide open.
i tried to breathe as much as i can.. but the weaken body of mine could barely allow me to breathe anything but a tiny amount of air.

the pain was torturing as much as watching the freshness of my life seeping and flowing out of me. i could never imagine he could do that to me watching me slowly slipping away without helping me.

why would he help? he was the cause of it, the look on his face was a look i will remember. the eyes were full of pain and grieve yet with such redness of the devil. i caused the hatred that came from him, but i never knew it was my fault that resulted in my present state.

was it my fault that i wanted what was the best? what was supposedly good ?

the world turned dark and my vision blurred off , i saw the hands that ended my life . i saw the back that turned on me . thats all i saw. thats all i remembered.

"Lex ! Breakfast!"i groaned at the sound of my mum yelling.
"LEX!!! oh for goodness sake jonathan will you please eat with your mouth not your hands? honey if you are not leaving you will be late for work! goodness you guys drive me nuts at times ! LEX! Are you up?"

as i slide my feet into my bedroom slippers, i walked to my bathroom and washed up. i glanced at the mirror checking my features." yup, i am still me. nothing special happened to my looks to make things any different"

i was a freak at birth but my mum never admitted that i was one. my mum was beautiful and so are my brother and dad. i was an error at birth, i had shorter height than any average boy. my fingers are never able to count up to 10. my teeth are crooked and yellow. if i had a role in a movie, i would be a caveman in the ice age.

i was never allowed to think lowly of myself, mum never allowed any negative comments to be made about me. she would never mention how ugly i look, but every morning i look at her lovely green eyes i know how sad she feels about me.

"lex! for God's sake , would be a nice kid and stop making me yell at you almost every morning i have enough of that from your dad and your brother."

i sat down quietly, nodded my head and grabbed my cereal box and began filling my bowl. i took a quick glance at dad who briefly look at my way , straighten his tie and dragged jonathan out with him.

since i was a kid , well i still am. but when i was born my dad has hardly spoken to me much.
he was disappointed and has hardly brought me out . i could barely say anything to him even if i could, he would shift his blue eyes away from me. the only thing i inherited from him was his blue eye. yes eye not eyes , my other eye is green. i have one eye blue and the other green. i guess that was the only thing i thought was unique and beautiful about me. however every morning i wake up, something tells me eyes are not enough to cover up whatever was lacking in other areas.

sometimes when i am in church, i would bow my head and pray hard. " dear heavenly father, are you there? would you show mercy to me ? would you let me be loved?" and i just prayed. but nothing happened. sometimes i wondered whats that big guy doing , would there be something worse than me ?

i guess i am a brave kid, i haven't cried. well i guess at least not yet ? i would one day but not today not tomorrow. the world is still here for me, until the world turned its back on me . maybe just maybe , i might just give up and cry.
but for now , i want to be brave . bravery was the only way i can explain why i am still alive .

Their love that was never together

2006-07-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

Well I am in the mood to change my story and write something sad ..A sad love story. a cliche sad one.. haha

In the ancient times of china falling in love already existed, the emperor had his concubines, the princes and princesses married into different royal countries surrounding china. Commoners were a different story all together. However in the ancient times, love existed but was mostly never found.

People were married through arranged marriage, some had their marriage planned the day they were born. One barely had the chance to fall in love with someone else it was just how it always had been.

In the imperial grounds, where princess and prince are safetly guarded behind the walls lined with soldiers guarding the gates. Love developed under the noses of all who carried the royal blood.

The imperial grounds is a place where is laid by rules, the people live or die by it. A wrong move would have sentenced you to jail or could have had your head roll along with your innocent family. Would an affair of the heart be punishable by the rules? Would that rule still stick if the emperor was invovled in the story?

The cries of a baby rang loudly through the palace walls with loud clashes of "gong" announcing the arrival of a boy. A boy was born into the world clothed in yellow gold robe this child's destined path was set even his cries roared as he entered the world . Concubine Qing gave birth to her first child a boy whom she knew would be precious to her and the whole of china. Emperor Ming had always adored concubine qing over the other lovely ladies in his harlem and with the birth of a son he announced the boy would be his crown prince the next in line to his throne. He who was named Ming Hu Hai would never knew his life would be this special.

In the spring, where the cherry blossoms bloom another baby's cry rang through the walls. It wasn't a special occasion as the child was a girl. Concubine Ling gave birth to a lovely child of grace and beauty. The day she was born was gentle and breezy in spring, her name was given Chun Ying.

Concubine Qing overheard Concubine Ling's birth was overjoyed and brought her 6 month old child to visit the new born.

"Sister Ling How are you feeling ? I saw your daughter, she indeed has the beauty of her mother and the likeness of the emperor."

"Sister Qing. I am tired however overjoyed when I saw her. Thank you for coming and I hope the crown prince and her would grow up to be the closest siblings like how we are close to each other."

"Yes indeed, Do you agree Huang er?" The young baby boy gazed at the young infant laid next to her mother and giggled with glee of the arrival of his new sister.

Both concubines smiled at the sight . " I hope he takes care of his sister and not bully her, if he has the likeness of his father he wouldn't be a worry for me"

"Of course , the crown prince will definitely grow up to be a fine man like his father while this little princess shall grow in grace."

Days turned to months and months into years, Ming and Chun grew up together under the supervision of the 2 concubines and the endless shower of concern from the emperor. Not to forget the best nannies in whole of china is attending to the royal children.

"Brother Huang do you think you wil be a good emperor like our father?"
"Hahah of course, I will be better than father. I will fight the bad and saved the good . I will help the poor and feed the hungry!" Ming said as he acted as an emperor on his father's throne.

"haha Brother huang! you better get off the throne else concubine qing will scold you again!"
" Why should I! The throne will be mine one day! I can sit when I want!"
"Brother huang ! you have to show respect to father!"
"You are right. come lets go back to mother I am hungry . I will race you there!"
"that's not fair! you always win!" Chun yelled as she ran after her brother.

Time flies so soon when a child is growing up. Already marriage are starting to be an issue and announcement for finding an empress for the crown prince was issued out to the whole of China.

"Psst Sister chun! here here!" a soft voice spoke out and Chun looked around.
"Hey up here!" chun looked up and saw her brother sitting on top of a tree
"Brother Huang ! What are you doing! Come down now!" Chun gasped at the sight of her brother sitting there
"Hush! come on up! I have something to tell you!"
Chun followed his instructions, although they had been climbing trees since they were a kid but their weight was no longer what it was 14 years ago.

"What is it ? We could be punished for climbing this! Mother has warned me to behave now that I am officially a grown up princess!"
"Oh no worries, they are all away finding me a concubine. I am just escaping from tutor hong as well as the endless line of ladies waiting for their chance to be an empress"
"Brother Huang is getting married soon huh? Are you nervous!?What do you see in a lady?" chun giggled as she heard the news from her brother.

"I want someone like Sister Chun! Someone I can talk to about anything and everything. Just like Father and mother."
"Father and emperor dowager Qing never knew it each other until the day they married! How would you know she's the one?"
"I don't know . I don't even want to get married now!" Ming folded his arms and acted like a brat.
Chun looked at her brother and suddenly felt sad. It could be because she knew her brother was worried about being an emperor and now he has to marry someone he barely knew.
"Brother huang. Shall we go back? I am tired"Chun said and they both climbed down the tree and walked back to their rooms.

Chun sat in her room and started to feel horrible. She couldn't placed her finger on it why she was so upset. She dismissed her thoughts, washed up and went to bed.

The sun rose brightly that day , Chun wasn't feeling any better and she continued to lie on her bed . The maid who brought in the basin for her to wash her face saw princess chun's unhappy frown sat next to her and asked.

"Princess is something wrong? Are you sick? Do you need me to send for the imperial physician?"

" No it is okay Ying, I am fine. Inform mother I will be late for tea with her today as I am tired"
Maid Ying bowed and left the room. Chun felt a lump in her chest and she covered her head with the quilt and went back to bed.

For days Chun was feeling unhappy and down that she fell ill. She barely ate for the few days and was all weak. The physician diagnosed her as common flu as they could not find the root of trouble. Sometimes the heart is harder to understand than any other things.

News of the sick princess chun spread to the ears of the emperor dowager and the emperor no sooner Concubine Ling entered Princess Chun's room with two other familar faces.

"My child, Emperor Ming and Emperor Dowager is here to see you."
Princess chun struggled out of bed and caught sight of something she hasn't seen for the few days.
"Princess chun sends greetings to Brother huang and Emperor Dowager" she found her last strength to bow humbly though her knees were weak
"Rest my child ! don't have to greet use now"
"Sister Chun! I was wondering what happened to you. You look so pale! how are you feeling now? What are the imperial physicians doing! Send them all out of my grounds!"

Chun grabbed her brother's arm and stopped his actions
"Not to worry brother huang, I am fine just a common flu . I should be up soon.Thank you both for coming . You shouldnt have bothered"

"What are you saying, sister chun please get better soon! I miss going out with you! those silly servants and concubines are boring."

Chun felt a sudden burst of warmness feeling her all over and finally she found out what happened. she knew why she was sad.

The emperor dowager saw the change in chun's expression and said " Son and Sister ling I have something I need to talk to Chun in private would you mind if you could spare us some quiet moments?"

Both nodded and left the room.

Chun sat up on her bed as the Emperor dowager qing sat next to her .
"something is wrong my child, would you like to share with me ?"
" nothing to worry my highness. It has to be the change in weather that got me down."
"Chun I know you for so long and I know how you behave. I may not be your mother but I have seen you grow up in front of my eyes. nothing escapes me "
Shocked by the statement Chun felt a sharp pain and she tried hard to hide the truth.
" nothing really !"
" Chun I may treat you as my own but I will still punish you for lying to me"
"I ...." chun swallowed her saliva and saw her highness eyes staring into hers.
"I ... I think I have falled in love with brother huang! I am so sorry . I know this is not be coming of a princess. I am trying to control my feelings , please rest assure I will not let my emotions get the better of me. Please forgive me." Chun said as she cried and covered her face.

The emperor dowager knew it was as spoken, she held onto chun and allowed chun to cry for she has been containing it for so long.
" I understand child. rest assured I will not say this out but I have to remind you . the emperor and you are related by blood it is not possible between the both of you. I hope you understand . you are a sensible child and I can trust you . Please try to get better and forget my child."

Chun looked at her and nodded in silence for she knew too that what she wished was not possible.

The next morning , chun got up feeling better . her long contained feelings was finally out and she knew she had to solve it .

"morning ying, Lovely day isn't it ? take a walk with me ?"
"yes princess! you look so much better today"
Chun smiled and finally after days she stepped into the light. The sun shone brightly at her and the clouds gently rolled by. Chun looked at the flowers by the her side and bend over to smell it.

" a beautiful flower with many more alike around. how rare would a flower be to one?"
" princess , every flower is unique. each petal on the flower is different from the other. they could be from the same stalk but each bloom differently."
"yes indeed . u might like one but not like the other isn't it?" chun slided her fingers on the flower petals to feel the smoothness of the flower.
"Ying, send someone to bring some flowers to emperor dowager to thank her for kindness and boil some bird nest for mother. i worried her too much"

Maid Ying bowed and left chun by herself at the pond. Chun watches as the fish swims among their kind. Just as she was looking a light reflection cast onto the waters, the reflection was familar. The warmth of his face , the gaze in his eyes , Chun had no doubt who she saw. Chun turned around to confirm her thoughts only to see no one behind her. Chun felt a mixture of feelings swirled inside her. Sadness for she could not see him yet relieved for she might not be able to handle his presence.

Chun got off and walked to the pavillion for a shade and enjoy the quietness she so rarely had. She was so used to his presence that she never noticed the imperial garden was so lovely and green with each plant gardened to such perfection. No wonder people dream and talk so much about the imperial grounds, it was not only the wealth of being a royal but the the rare treat to the lovely wonders.

"THE EMPEROR HAS ARRIVED!" the servant announced. Chun jumped at the sudden appearance. He is here.

"greetings brother huang" she said and bowed keeping her eyes to the ground.
"Sister Chun! when i heard news of you recovering i had to come see you! You look so much better! " Ming sighed after finishing his sentence.
"Brother huang ? Why the sigh? Have i made you unhappy?"
"oh no... not you. i am glad you are back up! i needed to confide to someone so badly. my wedding is coming and i could barely love my wife to be. sister chun what should i do?"
the sentence came out like an arrow to her heart and she tried to hide her emotions. She pulled herself together and helped her brother out.

She walked to the tree and started climbing .
"sister chun! what are you doing? You just recovered!"
"Come up brother huang!"
He followed.
"Brother huang. have you seen the beauty of this place before?"
"no. come to think of it . i never notice our garden before."
"me too until today. Sometimes you may not notice its beauty but after sometime you will.. just like empress . you may not know where her beauty lies but you will find out soon. Dont worry"
Ming looked at chun and squeezed her hand and thanked her for her words
" i never thought of it in that light. sister Chun you are always so sensible. "

Time stood still as they sat on the tree , joking and talking like how it was. From the beginning again, Chun was determined to move on.

Months went by , the sun set and rise again. Today a huge celebration was held for the marriage of the emperor and princess Ning the daughter of official Ching. The celebration was filled with guest from all over the countries. The hall roared with laughters and clicking of wine glass.
"To the newly weds!" A man shouted from the crowd and the crowd raised their glasses in unison.
Ming and Ning smiled to their guests and exchanged nuptial wine. The crowd cheered again and the music started to play.

Chun sat quietly at her table just as she was about to leave , Concubine Ling called out to her daughter.
"Chun er! over here. come my child!"
Chun turned and saw her mother happily waving her over . Just as she walked closer she noticed her mother was standing next to a tall dark man.
"Chun er. This is prince qi from central plains. Prince Qi this is my daughter Princess Chun"
"Ah just as what everyone describes. Princesses are as pretty as the flowers that bloom here"
"It is my pleasure to meet you Prince Qi" Chun said as she greeted the foreign guest.
For the night Chun spent her time talking to Prince Qi while Ming spent his night looking at Chun and the prince.

Not long after the day of celebration, Prince Qi visited the imperial palace again.This time he went to look for Concubine Ling for Chun's hand in marriage. Naturally Concubine Ling was overjoyed and told Prince Qi she will inform her daughter. Concubine Ling went to share with emperor dowager on the news however emperor dowager felt a frown form across her face.
"it is entirely her wishes, marriage between 2 states would be good for china however Princess Chun has to be willing"

Emperor Dowager thought over her sentence and knew Chun is sensible to know what to do.

"i will marry Prince Qi"Chun said in front of her mother , emperor dowager and ming.
" Prince Qi is a nice man and marrying him is a honour for me "

Chun said it with such determination that no one doubted her choice, except for two. Chun walked out of the room to reflect on her choice but was stopped by Ming.

"Sister Chun." Ming carried a tint of sadness in his voice and chun saw the sadness filling his eyes.
"Are you sure you wanna marry to the central plains? Away from all of us?"
"Brother Huang . You are married and you know the importance of our marriage to our country."
"this is not you talking ! you know you dont love him!"
"What is love brother Huang? Do us royal have a choice of love? Even when you married the Empress you didn't love her but you grew to see her beauty just like how i would see his."
"But you have a choice! you could marry so many other prince why all the way to the far plains ! Sister chun. Why!"
"Because there are things i want to leave here and not remember. Living here would only bring more pain to myself. Prince Qi love me and i know he will take good care of me . Is that so hard for you to understand?"
"but." ming could barely formed his words. Chun held back her tears , bowed and left .

Chun walked as fast as she could to her room and cried out loud under her sheets.

Work it out

2006-06-27T00:09:00.000-07:00

The high pitch whistle echoed into the sports hall , students tied their shoes laces while trying to jog to the centre of the hall to gather for training.

"Alright all! I am coach Matt I will be the overall incharge of the training, I focus only on the Foil and Epee . For those you enjoy the quick taste of blood in sabre Coach Luke will be in charge of soley sabre. However as you all are new in fencing you all be under me for basics in foil until you choose to change your weapon group. That is all , everyone let's do warm up !"

the whistle ran again, the students along with the seniors got into a line and started the routine warm up. Kim glanced around for souls she could recognise. Ben from the chemistry class nice chap who makes alot of silly comments, Jan from history class basically a mugger sweet girl next door.

Just as kim was about to sigh knowing she has joined a club with people of no interest, around the bend of the track she caught a glimpse of a guy whom she forgot his name but remember his boyish looks. The guy whom unknowingly cause kim to join the club.
"damn those arms"
"what? yea nice ain't it? Reason for me to join fencing is to look cool and that built"
"oh. well good luck"

Kim shook her head knowing her thoughts are getting verbal so she tried to keep up with the routine and remain focus on the routine and no where else " shit . i have to stop looking at him"

"Alright! freshies group up the seniors wil take you to practise the few basic moves and stance of fencing. Seniors taking part in tomorrow's competition are to warm up and fence while waiting for one on one. Jun you are up!"

"there you paley you finally look pinky! congrats you should thank me for adding colour to ya face"

kim glared at him and ignored his comments. she stretched and noticed he gave a shrug and began walking to the front of the group. " no no . he cant be coaching me . Hell"

"Alright all, let's get to fencing ." his voice drowned into the background as Kim could barely notice the contents of his speech. Although he makes dumb statements he doesn't seem like a harmful guy , pleasing to the eye , nice brown hair with hazelnut eyes, average typical height of a guy with lean hands. "eww" Kim's day dream shattered when she saw his legs, highly muscular legs.

The hours passed relatively fast and kim is totally worn out by the activities, she swore the guy was out to kill her.

"paley! nice work you really getting the hang of this pretty much faster than the rest! natural talent a? right i see ya!"

" Kim! if you want to talk to me , you could learn my name . bye"

Kim acted cool and walked swiftly to the toilet where she flushed completely red . she hurried to the shower and allow the cold waters hit her face.

"damn "

Flushes

2006-05-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

The lesson bell went. The screeching of the chairs in disorganised manner.

" I want your assignment in on monday morning in my shelf! Enjoy your weekends"

"Hell. i am sure i can enjoy my weekends with this pile of work"

" What did you say Kim? "

"Ah. nothing just looking forward to end of school"

Kim grabs her pile of books and sling her bag. Rushing out of the class a sudden pat on the back shocked her. The books all fell all over the floor.Kim scrambled to pack up the books totally forgetting the mysterious pat on her back until she saw a pair of sneakers in front of her. She raised her face to see who it was and gasped in horror.

well it could be a horror if you are an inch close to a guy, the guy grinned happily with a flyer in his hand.

"hello paley! you went away so quickly the other time i forgot to gave you this" placing the flyer in between their face.

Kim grabs the paper away and noticed it was a fencing flyer with the training dates.
"hell"
"hello! not hell anyway i see u paley soon ya? the name's fencer! ciao paley"

Kim grabs her text and lean on the wall nearest to her and sigh out loud. "great what did i get myself into?"

she

2006-03-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Kim
Birthday: Aug *y would u care?*
Birthplace: Hospital ( thank goodnesS)
Current Location: my room
Eye Color: dark dark brown
Hair Color: black
Height: 166 i tihnk
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: i dont know them well
The Shoes You Wore Today: blackie
Your Weakness: failure
Your Fears: unwanted
Your Perfect Pizza: i hate it
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: vet school
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: uh huh
Thoughts First Waking Up: hell
Your Best Physical Feature: wat?
Your Bedtime: unknown
Your Most Missed Memory: mum
Pepsi or Coke: i dont care
MacDonalds or Burger King: mac
Single or Group Dates: if i get one .. single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: choco
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino
Do you Smoke: i might
Do you Swear: so?
Do you Sing: yea
Do you Shower Daily: no i try to stink as much as i can
Have you Been in Love: when i was a kid .....
Do you want to go to College: duh
Do you want to get Married: ha!
Do you belive in yourself: HAHA!
Do you get Motion Sickness:&..39;>
Do you think you are Attractive: hell no
Are you a Health Freak: yes i am cleaning my mouse as i type
Do you get along with your Parents: what's that?
Do you like Thunderstorms: when i was crying
Do you play an Instrument: no
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no
In the past month have you Smoked: maybe
In the past month have you been on Drugs: i might
In the past month have you gone on a Date: sadly no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: i have a life... yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: with milk yes.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: big deal .. yes inari
In the past month have you been on Stage: no.. not a fan of limelight
In the past month have you been Dumped: if i have dated 1st
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: yup everynight
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: no
Ever been called a Tease: no
Ever been Beaten up: no
Ever Shoplifted: no
How do you want to Die: in a band concert
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: somethings tat makes pple listen to me
What country would you most like to Visit: paris
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: hazelnut
Favourite Hair Color: black
Short or Long Hair: long
Height: tall tall tall
Weight: average
Best Clothing Style: mine or his? mine is black his too
Number of Drugs I have taken: i lost count
Number of CDs I own: y would i bother?
Number of Piercings: 5
Number of Tattoos: 3
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 2

someone noticed

2006-03-01T08:58:00.000-08:00

the school bell rang signalling the end of the long day.
kim walks out of biology class with a frown.
"how long will it take me to understand all these. sheesh can i be a doctor like this?"

Kim has always topped the level in her studies, besides studies there is much she can do. studying is the only way she get her mind off things. as she was walking along the corridor, a flyer appeared right at her face. she stopped to notice a guy holding a flyer and grinning.

" Hi i am james matthews, well i am from the fencing club and my club is recruiting memebers! you look like you could do abit of workout. why not join us?"

kim glared at him, thinking he is rather rude. so what if she is a nerd, she isnt that fat!

"ah... from that glare, i meant doing sports can make you healthier. working out will help you gain some colour, i am not saying you are fat. And you dont need the weight lost"

"right, so wearing a silly suit and grabbing a blade and slashing or poking my way through will be amusing enough for me to join?"

" well. yeah. i am rather sadistic! wanna join the sadistic bunch of us?" he ruffled his hair as he joked. kim can't help but noticed the nice lean arms he has developed. Maybe fencing could be fun after all and besides books isn't excatly her best friend.

" oh right , i will sign up to get rid of you."

"oh gosh what are you doing!" kim heard the comment and turn to notice betty running towards her.
"Kimberly jeans you are not serious about joining a sports are you? i mean look at you."

"oh hi betty, someone has to start some where. look at me i am trying to get a life while you are trying to get into everyone's life without having one you can call your own. so until you have a LIFE , you get your lovely cheer leading suit and swing off"

with a shock on kim and betty's faces, betty walked off in a fit. Kim was shocked at the remark she made. since junior high she has never spoken out to those popular ones now she just officially made enemies with the most bimbotic but popular girl in school.

" oh great..." kim sighed.

" wow! look what a minute in fencing can do to you! dont worry we fencers hate her too, you are one of us now!" james laughed and patted kim on her back.

Kim looked around and wonder what trouble she got herself into. Raging hormones are scary stuff.

for someone to listen

2006-02-13T23:53:00.000-08:00

I was sitting down to write my journal. the pages of book were all tattered and torn. i had this book since i was kid . mummy gave it to me a birthday gift and i clearly remembered the words she said
"there are things u might not want to talk to mummy about. maybe writing it here next time someone can share all these secrets with u " she smiled and gave me a hug

so i did .

Day 5340
today's my birthday. aunt claire baked a chocolate fudge cake. it was nice.
i miss mum.

"freak" i said as a drop of water wet my book. i touched my eye.
i continued writing

i miss mum alot. i just hope i could find someone i know well enough. so that being alone is not so painful.

my eyes hurt and i placed my pen down. i laid on my bed looking at the ceiling. it was a star and a moon. thoughts just seem to all fly in no matter how hard i tried to fan them away. it is annoying.

"mummy! look ! a star and a moon appeared in my room!"
" yes yes . mummy put it there" she laughed. her laugh was so soft and warm. so engaging
" mummy why a star and a moon?"
" cause i am the moon and you are my star. means no matter where mummy goes. mummy will shine so that you can shine with mummy.you find the moon you will find mummy"
she hugged me and said that.

the mmoon no longer shine. the star was lost. i was lost. mummy's gone.

Kim took the blanket and hid her head. that night the moon shone brightly into her room. she didnt see it.

it was gone

2005-12-25T23:11:00.000-08:00

"the heart rate is dropping!" " blood pressure is going to low" "turn on the CV now!"
"mum? what's going on! HEY ! someone ANSWER ME! DAMN IT"

The day was bright, the trees rustled gently in the wind. Pastor Dean came with his bible and read to Kim. No matter how the words of God entered her ears, running impluses through her brain. Kim's tear ducts was blocked, she stood above the hole and looked down on mummy.

She was dressed in a black dress , her hair was nicely combed back and her lips were rose red.She looked so young so alive back to the image kim always had. yet kim was unable to cry her pain out, she had so few years with mummy. if only mummy wasn't in her coma maybe kim could had more time with her.

" It was daddy's fault wasnt it mummy?" she whispered softly as she looked mummy. Her hand tight around the edge of her dress as she spoke, it was him. The man behind all these , it wasnt mummy who wanted all these to happen. That man has to pay for what he caused , kim clenched her fist harder and her heart raced as her hatred grew stronger and stronger.

The morbid humans with white lilies walked round the closed coffin and threw their love into what will be buried beneath the ground they stood. the silent weeping broke the silence, the sound of people patting the backs of the weeping souls, everything just irritated kim.

For that night, Kim sat by the windows looking out at the moon. she ate nothing, she said nothing. We lost that girl to the world of silence.

She Needed more

2005-12-24T19:35:00.000-08:00

Silence is important in the hospital, it is where patients finally get to rest. some for a few hours, days, months, years. loved ones just watch as their precious lay on the bed, it is a place where new souls are born and some souls are taken away. Kim never liked this place , it could have been due to the fact that everytime she's here memories never seem to escape her mind.

"hi mum!" kim rushed to the bed and sat beside mummy.
"look mum, the sky is so lovely today! You have to get up and see this!"

"ah. who am i fooling mum? you been here since that day, you aged but you never woke up. why did this all happen mum? get up and tell me! MUM please get up soon" Kim fell beside mummy and cried again.

just then , Nurse june walked past and saw kim's back in the room. June can't help but feel sorry for Kim , the event was 12 years ago. June could clearly remember how small kim was when she was brought in , that pale looking girl hugging her bear with eyes all red. June had to dress Kim's wounds that night and june thought to herself . For a small girl to bear such a pain, the wound on her back and her mother in coma. June felt sadness for her and wanted to cheer her up.

" hi little girl, what your name?"
"kim. my mummy said i am kimberly but everyone calls me kim."
"oh kimberly it is a nice name isn't it. so how about mr bear there?"
"you know mr bear too?mr bear was a gift from daddy last christmas, but i dont know where is daddy now. don't tell daddy about mummy okie? i don't think daddy will be happy if he saw mummy so sick. mummy will be okie soon right so no need to worry daddy!" Kim beams at june.

June can't help but gave kim a hug, a small girl to be so sensible and to have remain this cool .

"erm, sister? what's your name?"
"june , call me june"
" so june jie jie you will be here looking after mummy and me? "
"yes i will be, i am a nurse here looking after you is my job isn't it" June smiled and patted kim on her head

"ok! i will tell mummy! she will be happy to know she got a nice lady looking after her! And me too! " kim giggled happily but the laughter triggered the wound to hurt again. Kim fainted into June's arms.

she needed

2005-12-22T22:01:00.000-08:00

She needed something , something to bring her out of her darkness again. Too much is happening and the light in her died together with her soul locked up in the whirlpool of the sea.

"Mummy? Mummy? Daddy!? "
" where's everyone ?"

the tiny steps walked around and slowly up the stairs. the house was dimmed , barely anyone at home. the room door was left opened, she walked in.

"mummy? i am home, Grand pa jacks got me something for you! "

"go ahead kim. i am tired"

" mummy what's wrong , you sound unwell"

" GO AWAY KIM! GET OUT!"

her eyes widen when she saw what was in front of her , blood . Blood flowing out the pale wrist of mummy.

" mummy ! i get the doctor! "
" KIM ! GET OUT! GO AWAY! let me die"
" no mummy please don't do that! i am scared mummy."

the metal hit the ground, tears flow out of mummy's eyes. she cried and cried till there was no more noise. Kim rush to mummy, mummy lay still on the floor. Caught in a situation like this, she didnt know what to do. she ran out.

"someone please help me !! mummy mummy , she's not moving!"

siren drowned all the noise and gossiping of the onlookers, paramedics rushed out with a pale looking lady in the stretcher. As she was carried out , the gossiping grew louder. kim was looking out through the window of her room. Hugging her knees, she couldnt find daddy, she couldnt hug mummy . She felt fear , she felt lonely. Tears filled her eyes and washed the blood off her cheeks and darkness entered.

"morning Kim! time for school!!"
"5 mins aunt claire!"
"u little brat get ya butt out of the bed or i will drag you out myself !"

The sun shone brightly through the window causing kim to cover her eyes from the sudden brightness. Another day to survive, another day to endure, she stretched and head to get ready for school.

As she walked to the toilet, she scrutinise her face in the mirror above the sink. Black eyes, dark locks of hair she seem almost like emily the strange. She caught a gleam of her scar on her back as she washed up and thoughts came back to haunt her.

" KIM ! do you want to be with mummy?"
"yes mummy i do!"
" that's my girl , come to me and let's be together forever. daddy's gone he's not coming back any more. "

just as the blade raised high to pierce through kim, mummy felt a sharp pain on her and released the grip. the blade fell on kim's back leaving a cut on her soft flesh.

"KIMBERLY JEANS! ARE YOU COMING DOWN ANY SOON! CHRISTMAS IS NOT COMING IN 5 MINS ! "

She shook out of the darkness and quickly dressed to meet aunt claire. been 12 years with aunt claire since the nightmare yet she was finding it so hard to let it go.

" kim! goodness why can't you young people dress something more decent. you are no lack of black coming from your eyes and your hair and you still have to dress up in nothing but black!"

" oh aunt claire , this is gothic! everyone loves it"

" one more rubbish from you young lady the only gothic you are getting is going to the attic to sleep"

rolling her eyes, she grabbed her lunch and out she went. everyone greeted her but yet she could still hear the whisper trailing behind her. Can't humans ever forget the past and just let me be me? her thoughts just went, if it wasn't for that incident that night, kim could have to turned out to be a totally different girl. she couldnt see the light in the day , she embraced the cold and loneliness that darkness provided her. she just wanted to be loved again but she knows her wish is never gonna happen again. ever again. Aunt claire was motherly but she wasnt it, she wasnt kim's.

2005-11-26T20:19:00.000-08:00

well .. i know you guys are expecting some new story about this racheal lee... but i guess i am bored.. i dont have the inspiration or the intellect like her.. so i will be thinking harder... so sorry .. not like anyone is reading.. but i will post if i get a new spark of idea

2005-10-26T09:07:00.000-07:00

"Racheal Lee Jia Ling! My Office NOW!"

oh crud! I never knew being smart was a sin, well now I know.

"Hello Mrs Lim, surely my full name wasnt neccessary especially the chinese part.think about the energy you save on saying my name as just racheal as compared to my full name"
Well not that i dont like my chinese name, but these days who uses your chinese name?

"Don't try to be smart with me young lady" Mrs Lim snapped as she pushes her spectacles back in place. Her hands glide across a tiny note with some words written on it, surely it can't be Mrs Durns handwriting although i have to say i cant help but notice it is her's .

"It seems to me that whatever you have mentioned to Mrs Durns has made her very unhappy to teach for a period of time "

I swear i didnt say anything mean to her, surely she made a mistake . i couldn't have possibly mentioned her hair stlye is the worst i have seen in this century (last nightmare i got was a bee hive hair do) or her voice is a strain to all the students in the class. i am sure i wasnt so tactless to do so.

"Mrs Lim i am sure you must have made a mistake, Mrs Durns has been such a kind teacher to us . i wouldnt bear to do any harm to her"
besides the fact that her assignments are absolute waste of time and it doesnt require much brain cells. i mean i am not in a position to say even though i topped her class but seriously i am sure i wasnt so rude , my senses should be intacted.

"Ms Lee, let me remind you although you are one of our best students I will not allow your recalcitrant behaviour in this school"

recalcitrant? now i have to say that is ridiculous word usage on me. i believe i behaved in what you like to call polite . i started looking around as Mrs Lim continued her blabbling on my attitude.
Now that i am in the head of department's office , she is a rather neat lady with her books neatly packed . well i can't say she is a lover of fine arts with van gogh work hanging at the back of her seat and books on theatre studies, but in comparison she is one lady who doesnt seem like a fan of the arts. imagine this, a old lady at least in her fifties with greying hair all tied neatly in a bun and a pair of spectacles that couldnt decide to stand on the bridge of her nose or to just drop of to the ground . which part of her seems like a Boris Messerer ?

"Ms Lee are you listening to me? I want you to go back and tell Mrs Durns that teaching doesnt cause any harm to her future baby. Do you get me?"

Why of course! now it all makes sense, oh mrs durns couldnt believe that silly statement i made?
all i commented was that teaching could be a potiental harm to her young fetus as we ( the noisy bratty ones)could carry bad karma for her child. Every mum is into pre natal learning and imagine what this young cell in her womb would be getting when brats like us influence a great deal of its mother's life?(we are brats to a certain extend don't we? at least i did my homework)

Mrs Durns being the oh-dear-me kind of lady actually believed that teaching students in the gifted stream could be fatal to her child's development? surely my class has more sense than to cause the reduction of her child's IQ.

well i said that because she was about to start on julius casear and i highly doubt i would like her version of explanation. everyone knows the smart man is anthony and honour is nothing but a silly excuse brutus is deluding to save himself from a crime he stupidly fell for.

so to prevent any unwanted statement made about anthony i just had to do something.
i needed to save my agony as well as anthony , so i just questioned Mrs Durns on her safety of her baby she is carrying and if teaching could be helpful to her child. I just randomly thought of a statement and i never expect that shocked expression was for real instead of just acting . i mean as a normal human we know how benefical teaching can be to one's being as sharing the knowledge could actually prove to be a self inspiring duty . teaching could bring about a sense of satisfaction that could improve the mother's motivation to bring up her child in the best way she can.

ok.. story stops.. i am tired. .continue later

2005-10-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

Now sitting outside the class doesn't seem very glamorous to me, the voice of my physics teacher in the class was faint from outside here. i dont see the point in students in my class taking all the sciences, especially physics shouldnt we have some democracy in class? let us choose what we want to study instead of insisting and nagging to us with the line" You students have potiential and to find that potiential you have to study the different subjects to find your best potiential"

if we had potiential give us any subject and we could had scored so where is the significance?i seriously doubt making us do so many subjects is making full use of our brains powers, you just needed us to boost your school ranking so that we will create a higher point average. just as i was doodling on my notebook , the chairs in class started to screech announcing the end of physics class. Physics teacher walked out and glared at me and stuck her nose in the air and walked off, some how i just wish the law of physics would work on her since she is relatively tall and her body shape is rather improportional.. meaning her center of gravity is lower hence it would be a nice show to see her trip over or she needs a little push to tip the CG off.

"racheal!" i jumped at the sound as the bimbo walk out of the next door class.
"hi racheal! you seem to like this place don't you?" giggles
"uh huh. it is kinda nice after all the teachers are useless thing don't you think so? surely a girl like you can study on your own as well . besides the view here is great , perfect view of you combing your hair or falling asleep in class, so i deduced you are pretty smart yourself."

"oh. of course with my looks i have to have some brains to go with it" Flick hair "dont you agree? that was A maths class Mr low was teaching on intergration and i dont get why others dont understand? A maths is so easy just reduce an additional power of X if you are intergrating it and add a power to X if u are differentiating it . What so hard?"

Wrong Wrong Wrong it is the other way around.

there were slight giggles when bimbo michelle said that out like as if she was albert einstein discovering E=MC2

"right. michelle you are the smartest no wonder you sleep so much."

"of course a smart person never had to use her brains so much "

right i am sure on that one and as she spoke Mr low walked past. so i decided maybe bimbo needed a wake up call.

"Mr low! hi! well i need to ask you a question on A maths" well i did get a relatively weird look from Mr low since i never asked him anything before.

"sure racheal, what is it ?"

"i was doing intergration and i just need to ask if i were to intergrate X what happens to it ? cause i was informed that it will be X to the power of 0"

" now surely miss Lee you could have known it is X to the power of 2 don't you?"

" erm . Right ! just asking !"

just at the moment , michelle's face turned red with embarrassment or it could be anger towards me but we can't tell when she is this red.

"well hi michelle, by the way i would like to see you in the A maths class awake next week? let me know if you need to ask any questions too " Mr Low gave a sincere smile and walked off towards the staff room.

so i was rather mean to embarrass her in such a manner but considering the fact that we all are students and we all are here to learn( or revise ) we shouldn't be giving out any form of help to people as we (her) could potientially be giving out wrong statements.

" now you if could excuseeee me , i have a meeting to attend to " she said in a hurry and walked slowly like nothing has happened into the toilet.

"more like she's off to fix that pimple popping out when she flushed that hard just now." a student from the back commented and the class burst out in laughter. well if i had an IQ level of her's and having such a high MQ(Maintenance Quotient) i could have just acted like i was dumb or focus on fulfilling my dream as a Miss singapore.

" i think it has to be world peace cause if there were no peace imagine all the ladies going to army in the tasteless uniform too"
and the crowd gasped and claps at her brilliant statement. she smiles at the crowd showing them her pearlie white maintained teeth and her flawless complexion .
"thank you thank you!"

i should seriously reconsider my future and be a beauty queen since the general crowd just simply love them anyway
"WOO! GO MISS PERU! YOU ARE THE ONE"
and miss peru smiles and the crowd cheers again . there all you need to do is try to take 1 week to memorise the given script on what to say in that 2 minutes and spent 90% of your remaining time smiliing and making sure you are eating celery not potatoes.

I shook my head to dispel my bimbo moments and woke up to an environment with students burying their head in their textbooks or writting in their notebook . this is my life isn't it ? that's about how much i can do now , just study. God i wish i was grown up now! not that i am keen on handling all the bills by myself, praying the economics shares would fall due to the bomb blast or working till i wrinkle up like a prune to my grave.

surely life has more to it then just living it!

2005-01-11T08:14:00.000-08:00

menssa quiz are a waste of time... it forces us to pick the right qns.. yes of course the question are subtle.. but yet.. u have to think. .i hate to tihnk sometimes
if i was Stephen Hawking ... wonder wat it would be like..
i always had an image of him as the all knowing creature after God oh well...

who knows.. some one out there in my class could be a stephen hawking in the making!i could be happy just being an average 12 pointer for my o's
how nice is it .. a nice 12.. everyone wants a 6.. . i will get a 12.. just to pissed them off..
how fun!